Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
