your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
