I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize