Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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