worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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