it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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