Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
