big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
