You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
