Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
