how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
