so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
