he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
