I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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