No awkward lesbian experiences without me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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