My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
