I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it hurts more in the daytime
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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