remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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