Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
