a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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