I can tuck mytits in my pants
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
