Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
