I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
