I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
