I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
