I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
