So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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