its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
