The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
