so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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