You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
