are you so shy because you have an std?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If I die, sorry about rent.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
