You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize