I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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