my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
