I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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