He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
