thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize