it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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