Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
