best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
