cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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