i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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