matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
