I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize