i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
