worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
