I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
