I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
