you guys were way drunker than both of me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
