my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize