I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
