What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
