I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
