Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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