My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
