So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
