know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
