you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
