I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
