i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
