I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
